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A Letter to My Brother

Well its raining outside and the weather is finally starting to cool as October continues to lead to November. At this time I'm at work and as you know when you are usually at work we tend to work as well as daydream and think about things.

Its crazy to see how much time we spend thinking about the events and things going on in our personal lives rather than work.

#cubicledweller #thoughtsofacubicledweller

For most of us (myself included) we begin to think about our families and problems we need to take care of. Some problems can be taken care of immediately while others take time after frustrating time.

One of those frustrations has to do with you my younger brother. The man who thinks has totally disrespected his older brother because of something his Wife did to me. I never thought i would see the day that you would turn your back on me. Your older brother the man that took care of you, fed you and changed your dirty diapers. I did those things at a young age to help our Mother.

Yet you went and thought you could go over on me and write those nasty things to me on a text mind you and not face to face. Not only that once you said it you blocked me from responding which tells me that you are a weak individual. Thats what you perceived me to say was to much for you to bare.

A Coward does that.

You have totally disrespected not only me but your baby brother and even your own parents as well. I don't understand why you do this. Could it be that your wife might have poisoned your mind since she tends to keep you locked down and watches your every move.

I wondered why you are like this. I remember before that woman came into your life you were a happy person. You had friends and a social life, but once she came into the picture slowly those bridges began to burn until they were no more. She carefully enveloped you in darkness so that you can only see her and no one else.

I believe that you are in that darkness right now. As she slowly pushed everyone away from you! A person that has build walls around themselves tend to chase ghosts rather than reality.

There has been many times that I reached out to you even my wife has convinced me to call you whenever you and your family were up North. Every time I did reach out to you you will or your wife come up with some excuse for not coming to see me or letting me see your kids. Deep in my mind I knew you would come up with some excuse.

But I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I did not think you would treat your own brother this way and instead put it to the back of my mind and not think about.

"Is he burning the bridge with me as well?" I would think. Does he want to burn the bridge like he did with our younger brother?

I feel sorry for you my brother, feeling sad that you cannot see the cage you are in. Those invisible bars are destroying you as your Warden keeps watch on you.

One of the reasons why I moved South was to be closer to you my brother. To be closer to your family. I knew deep inside that inner voice telling me not to waste my time trying to get close to you and your family. I approached you with open arms with no bad intent what so ever.

I tried to connect with you by asking you to come over the house or that we go out to eat my treat just the two us. Something that has not happened at all. Still yet again I get excuses. Not only that but an hour later you post on Facebook that you are out at a restaurant with your Warden when I asked you an hour before if you wanted to eat with me.

Are you avoiding me?

I ignored it the first time, then the second time etc. To a point that my Wife noticed and said something to your Wife. You know its hard when you have a woman who loves you to standby and let you humiliate me like you did.

Like I said I knew where this was heading. It was like I was running down a path full of minefields and it was just going to be a matter of time before I step into one.

And this time I step into one as a text came in at 10 pm on a Sunday night to my Wife's phone! Why did you bring her into this as she has nothing to do with it. You say that you heard that my Wife was badmouthing you and your wife to my Mother. Let me explain to you clearly that she was complaining about the treatment i received when i went to your house and was treated like a stranger.

My wife knows all of the shit you have done to the rest of our family (Brother and Parents). You can't think that she has no right to say or complain about your disrespect to me. She loves me and she will protect me like a rabid Pit Bull. Much like everyone else who knows me or is related to me. Why? Because I don't judge others or fault them. They are who they are and I cannot change that! Im like water and I flow without any resistance.

I think also that this little event has opened something deeper, something you have wanted to say for a long time. I believe that you feel threatened by me! Why? I have no idea because I do not flaunt nor am I a braggart. I tend to keep to myself and chase after the things I need. During that time I have become successful (I Think). I live well, have a happy and productive marriage and thanking God that I do not really have any serious problems in my life.

Could it be that you see this and it makes you envious? 

The reason being that i think that is because of the way you wrote that disgustingly vile and angry text to me. Even comparing how I only served 3 years in the military and you 21 years. If you need to know the truth then her it is. Unlike you I only served 3 years because I chose to! The military was never going to be a career as I had other plans. I only went to see the world, learn to work and to get me some money for college! That is the reason why I did not stay in the service.

You on the other hand had no intention in joining at all! As a matter of fact you ridiculed me to Mom and Dad on how you will never join the military and how stupid I was in joining. Life has a funny way of making you eat your words because after you went ahead and eloped with your current Wife and tossed your college education that Mom and Dad were paying out the window! Not only that when you had an extra mouth to feed and no job guess what you did!

You joined the service!

So you see the reason why I left was a matter of choice! You on the other hand my dear brother you had no choice but to join.

Still unlike you I'm proud that you have progressed far in the service and I wish you lots of luck while you are still there. Most people would just try to destroy your pedestal but I have learned alone time ago that fighting fire with fire never gets anything resolved as we need water not gas to turn off the fire.

I'm ready to turn the hose on, are you?

Another thing that has got me thinking. Why did you say that we came down here to put a wedge in between the both of you? Now why would I do that? Why would I waste my time in doing that? If you think that I'm one of those people you would be dead wrong! I tend to keep myself out of those issues only because there is no benefit to it as well as it being a time waster. Brother in short I do not have the time or patience in doing that.

You also said that you and your Wife are the only ones taking care of Mom and Dad. Really? If i remember correctly while you were down South and you parents were up North who do you think did things for them? When they went on vacation to Europe who do you think kept the house cleaned, cooked, threw out the trash and fed the dogs and birds? I DID! Not you or our baby brother! it was all me! I was their interpreter, their choufeur, their gopher and on and on. I was given that responsibility at a very young age my brother.

Its funny how people tend to overlook others investment in things and family. 

There is so much more that I need to say but I would rather end it here and tell you about myself since it has been a while since you actually knew me.

First let me tell you that I'm not the "Old Me" those days of being in the background and quiet are over! The new me is is loud and quietly works in the background because life is all about progression and not being average. I'm powerful! Not in the physical sense but more as in I know what I want, can do and be in my life. Words carry no power over me unless I choose to give it!

I have learned to embrace life all the good and bad with it while you tend to shun it and hide in that bubble you tend to hide in to keep you safe.

Unlike you my brother after it is all said and done I will be the better man and say that "I forgive you." its not your fault you are who you are. Its not your fault you are unhappy about your life (I see it in your face)I'm not going to be talking bad about you because I'm not that person.

So whenever you are ready to come back into my life I will embrace you once again and maybe this absence can turn our relationship better and not worse.

In the end through all of our fighting and disagreements we have had or are going to have I want you to understand that YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY BROTHER regardless what you have said that I'm no longer your brother. I love you and will be waiting.

Forever Your Brother